Archive for Self Help

10 Ways to Life Coach Yourself

By · March 5, 2010 · Filed in Self Help · 2 Comments »

Most people would admit that self-improvement is an important goal in their life.  Some may even place it at the top of their list.  But unfortunately, for many, the process of self-improvement often ends there.

In the busy dealings that make up their lives, most people claim they have neither the time nor the energy to pursue personal development goals.  The business of life—school, work, family—becomes the reason why the goal of personal development “dies on the vine.”  It doesn’t have to though.  Your personal development journey can begin today, and with a little effort you can help jump-start your future.  Below are 10 Personal Development Strategies which can help get you moving in the right direction.

1.    Self Talk

Positive self-talk is a great beginning for your personal development journey.  Listen carefully to that little voice in your head and evaluate the messages.  Remember the old saying:  “Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right?”  It’s true.  You can achieve exactly what you believe you can achieve, so replace self limiting thoughts and beliefs, such as “I can’t” with “I will.”  This positive self-talk will help you create a great sense of momentum.

2.  Self Inquiry

What’s really important to you?  What do you want to achieve and what are the timelines for these goals?  These questions are an example of self inquiry using quality questions.  Develop a list of questions applicable to your own life and personal development goals, and them take the time to answer them thoughtfully and honestly.  Refer back to these questions often to assure you are on the right track.

3.  Modeling

Whatever it is you want to do, you can be fairly sure someone else has already done it.  Take a look at the people you admire and respect.  What techniques do they regularly employ that help them become successful?  Take note of the way they carry themselves and try to emulate those qualities you find helpful.  There is no need to reinvent the wheel.

4.  Read

There are literally thousands of self-help and personal development materials available, both online and in print.  Not all will be applicable to your situation, but you’d be surprised at the pearls of wisdom you can find with a click of the mouse or a visit to the library.  Turn off the television and use that time instead to educate yourself.  Remember that there are people who have been where you are and have reached where you want to go.  Find out how they did it.

5.  Down-Time

Everybody needs time to rest and refuel.  Reward yourself for all your hard work by occasionally taking a break.  Use the time to reflect on your progress—your successes and failures—and create an honest assessment.  This will be an important tool when you’re ready to get moving again.

6.  Journaling

Keeping a log of your progress is vital for personal development, and a journal is perfect for this purpose.  Think of your journal like a letter to yourself.  Write down all the measures you have employed and techniques you have implemented, and note both the ones that have proved useful as well as all the ones that have failed.  This is a great way to combine record keeping with creativity.

7.  Visualization

Have you ever heard the saying, “If you can see it, you can be it?”  I’m sure you have, and that quote aptly summarizes the technique called visualization.  In simple terms, visualization is a technique in which you picture yourself being successful in various situations.  Instead of fretting over an upcoming exam, for example, picture yourself calmly answering the questions with confidence and certitude.  Picturing success can have a calming effect and will enable you to perform at your best.

8.  Goal Setting

Goal setting is widely accepted as the most important technique for self improvement.  Setting measurable goals and objectives will help you define exactly what you want, and serve as a plan for how you will get there.  Remember to create timelines for achieving each milestone.  This will help keep you focused and on track.

9.  Learn from Failures

Everybody would like to avoid failure, but unfortunately that’s not possible.  Regardless of your efforts and energy, there are going to be times when things do not work out.  Do not let these minor setbacks discourage you.  Learn from your mistakes and use these lessons as an opportunity to grow.

10.  Reward Yourself

Take some time to reward yourself for all your efforts.  Take a vacation, go to a movie or visit friends.  Celebrate your success!

Failure to Act = Failure to Succeed

By · August 3, 2009 · Filed in Change, life skills, Self Help · 1 Comment »

Don’t worry about what others will think. That statement has become has almost cliché, an old standby for motivation, but how many people actually live by that motto? Ask yourself, how many actions have you failed to take in your life, fearing what other people may think? My guess is there are quite a few, probably too many to count. You’re not alone though, many of us have missed great opportunities fretting over how we might be perceived. We get so wrapped up in every possible negative scenario that we fail to see the obvious “silver lining” in things. For some reason, not acting feels safer than the alternative. Later, we lament to anyone in earshot, about how stagnant our lives have become and about all our lost opportunities. It’s an awful cycle but one that can become habitual very easily.

Fear of the way we are perceived can be a major impediment to growth. Many of us become paralyzed from taking action because we’re afraid of the way it will look to others, but this paralysis is completely unwarranted. The majority of people—those same people we worry about—are far too concerned about themselves and their own issues to even notice what we’re doing. If you think about it, concern over the way we are perceived is rather egotistical. It is none of our business what other people think about us.

Now there are people who care about you, and thus have a vested stake in the decisions you make, but why in the world would you worry about their perceptions? They are the people who want you to succeed and will unfailingly root for you regardless of the outcome of the decisions you make. They are your support team, people who will be there for you through good and bad. Count yourself lucky for having them in your corner. The rest of the world, however, is too wrapped up in their own daily grind to have time to ponder yours.

I have been guilty of inaction in the past, agonizing on the way it may look to others. Sadly, that is time I can never get back, but hopefully, by sharing this epiphany with you, I can at least make it count for something. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll probably agree that at least 95% of the thoughts you entertain are of a self-centered nature.

We think about ourselves, and that is perfectly normal. The remainder of our thoughts is probably spent worrying or celebrating the ones we love. But how much time do you spend thinking about “John Doe’s” life? The answer is probably none, except for how John Doe’s life may effect your own or your loved ones. That being said, why would you assume that John Doe has time to pine over you?

He doesn’t. Isn’t that a tremendous relief? His only thoughts, in regard to your life, are how your success or failure will impact him.

Take a talented ballplayer, just up from college, an absolute star in his collegiate days. In his first year at the Major League level, he finds himself on the bench, playing second fiddle to a perennial all-star. This doesn’t sit well with him at all. He is accustomed to being the star, and his new role of bench warmer is not exactly what he had envisioned. He wants to secure the starting position, but he’s hampered by thoughts of how the fans will take it.

Does he want this all-star—his competition—to fail? Probably, but not because he dislikes him. His only thought is how that failure may positively benefit him. Now I’m not saying this is a healthy way to think, but I will say it’s natural. But here’s why I brought that up: If you decide not to act towards growth and excellence in your life, there will always be someone else who has figured out it’s best to act. Your inaction could be just what John Doe was waiting for.

Planning and preparation are important tools for success, but they are worthless if we fail to act when given the opportunity. The people we recognize as great, the ones we admire, are the ones that made a decision to act, some in the face of great public scrutiny. When the astronomer Copernicus tried to convince the world that the earth revolved around the sun, his views met with grave debate from a scientific community that believed the opposite. But he was right, and the rest is history. But what if he would have been wrong? Okay, so he was wrong. What did he really lose by deciding to act on his theory? He’d still be the same old Copernicus. His decision to act, though, changed not only his own life, but the world’s.

The only negative thing that can happen as a result of a new decision is that it may not quite work out the way you had imagined. But what have you really lost? The worst case scenario is that you’ll be back to square one, ready to make another decision and act upon it. Believe me, there is a not a swarm of people stroking their moustache, ready to pass judgment or belittle you. You’re not that important to them, and they just don’t have time!