Failure to Act = Failure to Succeed

By Life Coach Russ Small · August 3, 2009 · Filed in Change, Self Help, life skills · 1 Comment »

Don’t worry about what others will think. That statement has become has almost cliché, an old standby for motivation, but how many people actually live by that motto? Ask yourself, how many actions have you failed to take in your life, fearing what other people may think? My guess is there are quite a few, probably too many to count. You’re not alone though, many of us have missed great opportunities fretting over how we might be perceived. We get so wrapped up in every possible negative scenario that we fail to see the obvious “silver lining” in things. For some reason, not acting feels safer than the alternative. Later, we lament to anyone in earshot, about how stagnant our lives have become and about all our lost opportunities. It’s an awful cycle but one that can become habitual very easily.

Fear of the way we are perceived can be a major impediment to growth. Many of us become paralyzed from taking action because we’re afraid of the way it will look to others, but this paralysis is completely unwarranted. The majority of people—those same people we worry about—are far too concerned about themselves and their own issues to even notice what we’re doing. If you think about it, concern over the way we are perceived is rather egotistical. It is none of our business what other people think about us.

Now there are people who care about you, and thus have a vested stake in the decisions you make, but why in the world would you worry about their perceptions? They are the people who want you to succeed and will unfailingly root for you regardless of the outcome of the decisions you make. They are your support team, people who will be there for you through good and bad. Count yourself lucky for having them in your corner. The rest of the world, however, is too wrapped up in their own daily grind to have time to ponder yours.

I have been guilty of inaction in the past, agonizing on the way it may look to others. Sadly, that is time I can never get back, but hopefully, by sharing this epiphany with you, I can at least make it count for something. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll probably agree that at least 95% of the thoughts you entertain are of a self-centered nature.

We think about ourselves, and that is perfectly normal. The remainder of our thoughts is probably spent worrying or celebrating the ones we love. But how much time do you spend thinking about “John Doe’s” life? The answer is probably none, except for how John Doe’s life may effect your own or your loved ones. That being said, why would you assume that John Doe has time to pine over you?

He doesn’t. Isn’t that a tremendous relief? His only thoughts, in regard to your life, are how your success or failure will impact him.

Take a talented ballplayer, just up from college, an absolute star in his collegiate days. In his first year at the Major League level, he finds himself on the bench, playing second fiddle to a perennial all-star. This doesn’t sit well with him at all. He is accustomed to being the star, and his new role of bench warmer is not exactly what he had envisioned. He wants to secure the starting position, but he’s hampered by thoughts of how the fans will take it.

Does he want this all-star—his competition—to fail? Probably, but not because he dislikes him. His only thought is how that failure may positively benefit him. Now I’m not saying this is a healthy way to think, but I will say it’s natural. But here’s why I brought that up: If you decide not to act towards growth and excellence in your life, there will always be someone else who has figured out it’s best to act. Your inaction could be just what John Doe was waiting for.

Planning and preparation are important tools for success, but they are worthless if we fail to act when given the opportunity. The people we recognize as great, the ones we admire, are the ones that made a decision to act, some in the face of great public scrutiny. When the astronomer Copernicus tried to convince the world that the earth revolved around the sun, his views met with grave debate from a scientific community that believed the opposite. But he was right, and the rest is history. But what if he would have been wrong? Okay, so he was wrong. What did he really lose by deciding to act on his theory? He’d still be the same old Copernicus. His decision to act, though, changed not only his own life, but the world’s.

The only negative thing that can happen as a result of a new decision is that it may not quite work out the way you had imagined. But what have you really lost? The worst case scenario is that you’ll be back to square one, ready to make another decision and act upon it. Believe me, there is a not a swarm of people stroking their moustache, ready to pass judgment or belittle you. You’re not that important to them, and they just don’t have time!

Empowering Your Decisions

By Life Coach Russ Small · April 6, 2008 · Filed in Awareness, Change, Growth, Intention · No Comments »

Making a decision, even seemingly simple and non-threatening can be a frightful act to a lot of people. Many people are afraid of making decisions in fear that they will make a wrong one. Fearing that a wrong decision can be harmful, even fatal, people are locked into paralysis by over-analysis, meaning they are over-thinking their situation and unable to decide.

 

If you would like to make decisions more quickly, less painfully and more purposefully, here are the 3 D’s of Decision that you must keep in consideration.

 

Discern- In order to make a decision you first need to indentify a fork in the road. Your awareness and observation at the initial point that a decision arises will allow you to evaluate on a course of action. You cannot make a decision if you are unaware that you even have a choice, or similarly you cannot create your world if subconsciously you are reacting to a situation.

 

Take a minute to discern what you will have to do differently to make the change happen. Remember that indecision is still a decision and you will have to change your behaviour if you expect anything else to change. Identify what your options are, even if you currently don’t have the willpower to commit to following through. Awareness is the first step of change.

 

Be patient with yourself and don’t be afraid to explore the underlying causes of undesirable behaviour. Keep digging deeper until you’ve found the root cause of your indecision.

 

 

Decide - The next step in empowering your decisions is to simply decide. Your probably thinking if it was that easy to decide in the first place then you wouldn’t be reading this article. However, armed with the new information uncovered during the Discern stage, you know have the ability understand what is holding you back and build a new habit of overcoming it.

 

When it comes to taking responsibility for life keep in mind these ten two-letter words, “if it is to be it is up to me”. Taking control in your decisions is empowering, it feels good and makes you feel like a winner. It is a self-esteem deposit in your ability to make future decisions. Your ability to become decisive has to start somewhere, why not start with the decision to change how you decide?

 

Keep in mind that change happens incrementally, especially on a large scale. Most change is slow to evolve and it unfolds from the inside. Even the worlds largest tree and apple grows slowly from within. Celebrate the small successes as you move toward the bigger goal.

 

 

Disregard - Once you have made a decision you practice letting go any attachment to an outcome. I know you are probably thinking the reason you made the decision is because you desired that outcome. It doesn’t mean that you don’t still hope that outcome (or better) happens, it means that you will not beat yourself up or get emotionally unbalanced if it doesn’t arise.

 

Roadblocks and setbacks are going to be a part of the journey. You cannot avoid these any less than you can avoid deciding. Decision produces action which in turn results in successes and failures, acknowledge each one as equals and use them both as learning opportunities. Stay positive.

 

Be confident in yourself and have an expectation of success. Inner strength is the ability to stay strong even in the face of the most difficult of circumstances. Have faith in yourself and remain positive about the process. There will be ups and downs and the path is never straight. It takes courage to embrace our destiny as confident decision makers.