Five Self-Esteem Strategies for Students p1
For students, school is more than just a place where classes are held, tests are taken and grades dispersed. It is also the most prominent social arrangement in their lives—a place where friendships are cultivated, and the need to be liked and valued by peers is central.
The pressure to excel academically while still being well-received by one’s cohorts can be difficult. To weather this storm, it is crucial that students develop ways to maintain a healthy self image—to build their self-esteem. Below are two tips you can use to construct and nourish a positive self-image:
1. Recognize Your Strengths
Instead of squandering time, pondering all the things your not, take some time to reflect and write down all the things you do well. Maybe you’re exceptional at math or shooting a basketball, a computer whiz or just a good listener with your friends and family. These are all essential traits that shape and define you.
Focusing only on your limitations stifles your ability to grow and blossom and creates a lot of strain in your life. Regardless of how much you may try, you are certain to ascertain that becoming good at everything will never be possible. Why go through the heartache?
Concentrate on improving skills you already possess, rather than fretting over the ones you lack. This strategy will create a sense of momentum and worth in your life, helping you feel valued and appreciated. By creating an inventory of your skills and abilities, you are recognizing your own self worth. Take some time to acknowledge and celebrate those characteristics that make you unique and irreplaceable.
2. Remember, Everybody Fails. Everybody.
In 1854 and again in 1858, Abraham Lincoln campaigned for a seat in the United States Senate, and in both elections he was defeated. But he never once allowed these losses to label or discourage him, nor did he wallow in self pity. Instead of giving up, as most certainly would have, Lincoln learned from these defeats, became motivated to overcome them—to grow. Then, in 1860, amidst disquieting times within the nation, Lincoln was elected the 16th President of the United States, and the rest is, well, history.
A great contemporary example of persistance and determination is the story of young Sydney Crosby, who this year became the youngest hockey captain ever to hoist NHL’s holy grail, Lord Stanley’s Cup. What is unique about Crosby is that the year prior he and his team made it to the Stanley Cup Finals, only to be defeated. This year he ironically faced the same team as last years finals, and this time they won.
You are going to have impediments in your life, but your image—your story—will be shaped not by those adverse events, but by how you react to them. Receiving a poor grade on an exam, for example, can be an agonizing setback and can cause you a great deal of stress. You convince yourself that all is lost, based on this sole event.
The trick is to view this setback from a different perspective—to change the way you react. This isolated failure, while discouraging, can become a wonderful opportunity for growth. First, accept that you made a mistake—it happens to everyone—and develop a plan to correct it, to prevent the likelihood of a recurrence. Next and most importantly, move on—let it go.
Self-esteem is something that you must continually work on everyday, even despite circumstances. Self-confidence is like a muscle in that the more you exercise it the more you strengthen it. Stay tuned for even more tips to help ensure you can cope with your schooling.
Failure to Act = Failure to Succeed
Don’t worry about what others will think. That statement has become has almost cliché, an old standby for motivation, but how many people actually live by that motto? Ask yourself, how many actions have you failed to take in your life, fearing what other people may think? My guess is there are quite a few, probably too many to count. You’re not alone though, many of us have missed great opportunities fretting over how we might be perceived. We get so wrapped up in every possible negative scenario that we fail to see the obvious “silver lining” in things. For some reason, not acting feels safer than the alternative. Later, we lament to anyone in earshot, about how stagnant our lives have become and about all our lost opportunities. It’s an awful cycle but one that can become habitual very easily.
Fear of the way we are perceived can be a major impediment to growth. Many of us become paralyzed from taking action because we’re afraid of the way it will look to others, but this paralysis is completely unwarranted. The majority of people—those same people we worry about—are far too concerned about themselves and their own issues to even notice what we’re doing. If you think about it, concern over the way we are perceived is rather egotistical. It is none of our business what other people think about us.
Now there are people who care about you, and thus have a vested stake in the decisions you make, but why in the world would you worry about their perceptions? They are the people who want you to succeed and will unfailingly root for you regardless of the outcome of the decisions you make. They are your support team, people who will be there for you through good and bad. Count yourself lucky for having them in your corner. The rest of the world, however, is too wrapped up in their own daily grind to have time to ponder yours.
I have been guilty of inaction in the past, agonizing on the way it may look to others. Sadly, that is time I can never get back, but hopefully, by sharing this epiphany with you, I can at least make it count for something. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll probably agree that at least 95% of the thoughts you entertain are of a self-centered nature.
We think about ourselves, and that is perfectly normal. The remainder of our thoughts is probably spent worrying or celebrating the ones we love. But how much time do you spend thinking about “John Doe’s” life? The answer is probably none, except for how John Doe’s life may effect your own or your loved ones. That being said, why would you assume that John Doe has time to pine over you?
He doesn’t. Isn’t that a tremendous relief? His only thoughts, in regard to your life, are how your success or failure will impact him.
Take a talented ballplayer, just up from college, an absolute star in his collegiate days. In his first year at the Major League level, he finds himself on the bench, playing second fiddle to a perennial all-star. This doesn’t sit well with him at all. He is accustomed to being the star, and his new role of bench warmer is not exactly what he had envisioned. He wants to secure the starting position, but he’s hampered by thoughts of how the fans will take it.
Does he want this all-star—his competition—to fail? Probably, but not because he dislikes him. His only thought is how that failure may positively benefit him. Now I’m not saying this is a healthy way to think, but I will say it’s natural. But here’s why I brought that up: If you decide not to act towards growth and excellence in your life, there will always be someone else who has figured out it’s best to act. Your inaction could be just what John Doe was waiting for.
Planning and preparation are important tools for success, but they are worthless if we fail to act when given the opportunity. The people we recognize as great, the ones we admire, are the ones that made a decision to act, some in the face of great public scrutiny. When the astronomer Copernicus tried to convince the world that the earth revolved around the sun, his views met with grave debate from a scientific community that believed the opposite. But he was right, and the rest is history. But what if he would have been wrong? Okay, so he was wrong. What did he really lose by deciding to act on his theory? He’d still be the same old Copernicus. His decision to act, though, changed not only his own life, but the world’s.
The only negative thing that can happen as a result of a new decision is that it may not quite work out the way you had imagined. But what have you really lost? The worst case scenario is that you’ll be back to square one, ready to make another decision and act upon it. Believe me, there is a not a swarm of people stroking their moustache, ready to pass judgment or belittle you. You’re not that important to them, and they just don’t have time!
