Failure to Act = Failure to Succeed

By Life Coach Russ Small · August 3, 2009 · Filed in Change, Self Help, life skills · 1 Comment »

Don’t worry about what others will think. That statement has become has almost cliché, an old standby for motivation, but how many people actually live by that motto? Ask yourself, how many actions have you failed to take in your life, fearing what other people may think? My guess is there are quite a few, probably too many to count. You’re not alone though, many of us have missed great opportunities fretting over how we might be perceived. We get so wrapped up in every possible negative scenario that we fail to see the obvious “silver lining” in things. For some reason, not acting feels safer than the alternative. Later, we lament to anyone in earshot, about how stagnant our lives have become and about all our lost opportunities. It’s an awful cycle but one that can become habitual very easily.

Fear of the way we are perceived can be a major impediment to growth. Many of us become paralyzed from taking action because we’re afraid of the way it will look to others, but this paralysis is completely unwarranted. The majority of people—those same people we worry about—are far too concerned about themselves and their own issues to even notice what we’re doing. If you think about it, concern over the way we are perceived is rather egotistical. It is none of our business what other people think about us.

Now there are people who care about you, and thus have a vested stake in the decisions you make, but why in the world would you worry about their perceptions? They are the people who want you to succeed and will unfailingly root for you regardless of the outcome of the decisions you make. They are your support team, people who will be there for you through good and bad. Count yourself lucky for having them in your corner. The rest of the world, however, is too wrapped up in their own daily grind to have time to ponder yours.

I have been guilty of inaction in the past, agonizing on the way it may look to others. Sadly, that is time I can never get back, but hopefully, by sharing this epiphany with you, I can at least make it count for something. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll probably agree that at least 95% of the thoughts you entertain are of a self-centered nature.

We think about ourselves, and that is perfectly normal. The remainder of our thoughts is probably spent worrying or celebrating the ones we love. But how much time do you spend thinking about “John Doe’s” life? The answer is probably none, except for how John Doe’s life may effect your own or your loved ones. That being said, why would you assume that John Doe has time to pine over you?

He doesn’t. Isn’t that a tremendous relief? His only thoughts, in regard to your life, are how your success or failure will impact him.

Take a talented ballplayer, just up from college, an absolute star in his collegiate days. In his first year at the Major League level, he finds himself on the bench, playing second fiddle to a perennial all-star. This doesn’t sit well with him at all. He is accustomed to being the star, and his new role of bench warmer is not exactly what he had envisioned. He wants to secure the starting position, but he’s hampered by thoughts of how the fans will take it.

Does he want this all-star—his competition—to fail? Probably, but not because he dislikes him. His only thought is how that failure may positively benefit him. Now I’m not saying this is a healthy way to think, but I will say it’s natural. But here’s why I brought that up: If you decide not to act towards growth and excellence in your life, there will always be someone else who has figured out it’s best to act. Your inaction could be just what John Doe was waiting for.

Planning and preparation are important tools for success, but they are worthless if we fail to act when given the opportunity. The people we recognize as great, the ones we admire, are the ones that made a decision to act, some in the face of great public scrutiny. When the astronomer Copernicus tried to convince the world that the earth revolved around the sun, his views met with grave debate from a scientific community that believed the opposite. But he was right, and the rest is history. But what if he would have been wrong? Okay, so he was wrong. What did he really lose by deciding to act on his theory? He’d still be the same old Copernicus. His decision to act, though, changed not only his own life, but the world’s.

The only negative thing that can happen as a result of a new decision is that it may not quite work out the way you had imagined. But what have you really lost? The worst case scenario is that you’ll be back to square one, ready to make another decision and act upon it. Believe me, there is a not a swarm of people stroking their moustache, ready to pass judgment or belittle you. You’re not that important to them, and they just don’t have time!

Who Do You Think You Are?

Who do you THINK you are? Really?…

When you take a moment and ask yourself that question, it is your identity that provides the answer. How you answer will depend on who you think you are. Your lifestyle and life choices both depend on who you think you are. Is it time to get to know yourself?

If I was asked this question 3 or 4 years ago the answer would have been dramatically different then it is today. In time I have come to see through the illusions of my understanding of myself and my true nature. Now in order for me to describe to you who I am, I must first begin by telling you a bit about who I am not. 

My full name is Russell Kirby Small. Interestingly enough yet insignificant, had I been born a girl, my father wanted to name me China… Thank goodness I came through as a boy! Whatever name you have isn’t all that important, because whether in whole, or in part, a name does not describe who you are.

I came into this world on this day, July 10th, just over 30 years ago to an African-American father and a Chinese-Canadian Mother. However, I do not consider my age, race, or birthday to be part of who I truly am. 

I was born at 7:00AM on the seventh day (a Sunday back in 1977) of the seventh month, in 1977. One of my favourite numbers is 7 can you guess why? Still, my favourite things do not tell you who I am either.

I am a SAIT graduate in Business Administration Marketing, a Certified Subconscious Restructuring Life Coach, and I’m committed to constantly learning and growing. But yet again, I don’t believe my education is who I am.

I am a fearless fire-walker who has walked barefoot across 1,200 degree burning hot coals. I believe in mind-over-matter and can demonstrate this belief. Still, none of my accomplishments or aspirations will tell you who I truly am.

In love seeing my life coaching clients breakthrough limiting-beliefs. I’m an Entrepreneur who is passionate about developing multiple passive streams of income. But you guessed it, neither my job or my passion can define who I am. 

In fact, I don’t believe I am my thoughts, my mind, or my body.. which I bet that leaves most of you wondering, “who does this guy think that he is?” Well many years ago I would be tempted to say I am just another human being trying to experience spiritual enlightenment, but now I believe this to be backwards.

You are looking at me now as a spiritual being having a human experience. As this spiritual being I would like to briefly share with you 3 characteristics that describe the essence of who I am.

1. I am timeless. I come from a source that has existed long before we came to inhibit this Earth. This presence exists simultaneously inside each one of us, and will exist for long after all of us are gone. I’ve always had this inner feeling that time was a man-made illusion, experienced by the mind played to us from the projector screen of our own perceptions and beliefs. The best example of this belief would be a movie I recently watched starring Rachel Weiss and Hugh Jackman called “The Fountain”. 

2. The second quality about being a spiritual being is the abundance. I came from a creator that is everything, everywhere, all knowing, all consuming, and every flowing. One of the best quotes that put this concept into perspective was said by Dr. Wayne Dyer “An infinity of forests lies dormant within the dreams of one acorn.” We are a part of this abundance and we can physically manifest it into our lives if we first allow it. I used to tend to focus on scarcity and lack, what I didn’t have and what was missing in my life. I now have come to appreciate all the abundance that surrounds us. 

3. The third thing that describes my spiritual nature is that I am a part of ever-lasting change. Change is everywhere and the only constant. For example the cycle of the seasons, the phases of the moon, and the ebb and flow of the tides. I am a part of something that is ever changing. Even the North Pole, the star that for thousands of centuries has pointed North and allowed our explorers to navigate the world will soon be replaced by another star that reflects a more accurate north.

The best identity to develop is always having an attitude about life that is open to anything and attached to nothing. Our emotional tendency to attach judgement based on individual perspective has corrupted our ability to believe we are all one in the same. When you label or judge something we negate it of anything else. Hopefully I’ve given you some food for thought so the next time someone asks you, “who are you”, how will you answer?